August 10, 2009 — 10:29 AM
Meditations on Marriage
Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathless, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and that is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from the branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.
Here you are. Can you believe it? What a journey the two of you have been on. A high school friendship that led to deciding to date one another. Moving to college and trying to keep that connection going only to have it break apart. Going your separate ways and years later finding yourselves both in the same city striking up your old friendship once again. And as the situation evolved finding yourselves dating once again. This journey that began so many years ago – a journey with many ups and downs – has led you to this day. The day you have chosen to proclaim your commitment to one another before your family and friends.
You have known the crazy, temporary madness of being in love of which the author speaks. And you have made the decision that your roots are inextricably entwined so that your future is inconceivable without the other being a part of it. You have moved from being “in love” to having true love for one another.
And this love that you have for one another has very deep roots. Roots strengthened because of your many years together. Deep roots that have allowed you in the past, and will continue to allow you in the future, to weather the storms that have come your way. You both know that storms are an inevitable part of life together. But this has not scared you away from one another. Rather, it has drawn you closer together. You have made the decision to face those storms together and to join in the hard work of nurturing your true love for one another.
But you both know that a root system is made all that much stronger when more roots are added to it. So you have gathered around you family and friends and have asked us to join with you in this journey. You have asked us to walk with you - to celebrate with you in the good times and to lend our support in the hard times. And we have accepted this invitation. A strong community of family and friends is vital for a healthy marriage.
As we gather to celebrate your love for one another and to witness your commitment to one another I would like to share these words from the Christian scriptures which give advice for how to live together. In the book of Colossians, the author encourages his listeners saying:
“As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (3:12-14)
That’s a tall order. We’re to have compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness for one another. Any one of those on its own would be hard enough. But all of them together seems like too much to ask. It can be hard to do but love makes it all possible. May your love for one another continue to deepen and grow and may it embolden you to have all of these characteristics in your dealings with one another.
Amen.
